A Purrfect Love Affair

I have always loved cats. My earliest memory of owning a cat was when I was about 5 or 6 years old. My love affair with them started way back in 1987 when we moved to San Pedro, Laguna from Quezon City. Her name was Muning, a typical name any first-time cat owner would name his or her cat. I remember getting upset when I saw Muning being taken by a visitor in our neighbor's backyard.

My siblings have had dogs, whereas a cat was what I always preferred. I even remember my late Mama saying, "Mahilig ka talaga sa pusa. Ne, maliit ka pa oh naalala ko, uuwi kang may dalang pusa." (Memories... Ma, I miss you na! I love you!)

Through the years, I've had many cats with names ranging from Penelope Laila (after Liza Milo - do you remember her from that scary tv show? yep, I knew her), Ling-ming Mei (after that Macros character), Pen (short for Penelope Laila, her life was also short *sad*), Orange Waffle, My Beautiful Gorgo (after Queen Gorgo of King Leonidas in the movie 300), Kat-Kat (a male cat which I gave a girl's name hehe), Amy, Chub-Chub, Snow Flake (because he was white as snow), Cibo, Prince Albert (after that Sweet Valley High character) and many more I can't even remember at all.

A few months ago, I was reading a Reader's Digest magazine when I came across an article, entitled Garfield's Good-Life Guide, which caught my attention. It was about cats and why they behave like they do. What struck me was when it said:

"Let the cat make the first move. Don't come to me and expect me to rejoice. I will come to you - on my own terms and in my own time. When I meet a new human, I know immediately whether he's a cat person. If he pets me and suffocates me with hugs, yuck! It's so over. But if he ignores me or is allergic or is terrified, I find him irresistible. Unlike indiscriminate dogs, a cat likes a challenge. Always let the cat make the first move, or suffer the consequences."

It was like I was reading an article about me. That was when I concluded that my fascination with cats had something to do with how we both interact with people. Of all the other items on the article, only one was not applicable to me. That also made me almost conclude that I have a high-functioning autism. Especially when I heard about the book entitled All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome. But it's all vague right?

It was weird because I knew it was not impossible to happen. Then again, weird is nothing new to me. Hmm, I don't think this purrfect love affair is yet to be over.


Reference: All Cats Have Asperger Syndrom by Kathy Hoopman
Garfield's Good-Life Guide by RD Pets, Reader's Digest January 2008

Pentium II

...that's how I will call her, dahil yun ang processing level ng utak niya.

There are many like her. Madami na kong napasukan na trabaho bilang isang manunulat. Sa lahat ng mga working environments na yun, laging merong mga taong katulad niya. Hindi ko masabi sa kanya (sa kanila) mga problema ko sa mga ginagawa nila kasi kung kilala mo ko, I suffer/fight back in silence.

Describe ko na lang siya/sila.

1. Maingay. Manunulat ako kaya importante sa akin ang katahimikan. Anak ng p*ta (pasensya na, it's effin frustrating na eh!) naman kung hindi alam ng katrabaho ko yun. It's a huge effin general knowledge.

Anyway, Pentium II talaga. BS. We have different tastes in music. You have been here for like, what? A month and you still have no idea what kind of music we listen to? Come on, you've heard us. Please, keep your playlists to yourself. Pero since you can't, you leave me no choice...

side note: IMHO, writers who love (supposedly) noise are... hmm... okay so you are still writers, pero for me, you lack depth. Full of blabbering, pero walang meaning. In short, mababaw. Kung writer ka at hindi mo matanggap ang criticism ko, hindi ka dapat tawaging manunulat. *bow

I'm not quiet because I choose to be, I'm just focusing on my work. (though i'm quiet talaga)

2. Opisina mo ang mundo? Kahit hindi ka manunulat, gugustuhin mo rin ng privacy sa workstation mo right? BS. Gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na naaasiwa na ko sa kakalakad niya sa paligid ko. Ilagay mo kaya sa table mo yung mga gamit mo para hindi ka na balik ng balik dito. I can't concentrate with you snooping (?) around.

I'm not claiming this area, I just want some privacy when I work please?

3. Snoopy. Eto na... I will justify na... Para sa lahat 'to. Bilang isang manunulat, importante sakin na ibaling sa ibang bagay ang aking atensiyon habang bumubuo ng aking mga ideya. I focus my thoughts on an idea and write about it. When it all gets effed up, I have to rest my mind by browsing other sites. Other mediums (like taking a break or smoke, which is i don't do anymore. wtf 1 month na ko yosi-free! sh*t it feels great!) could work, but because browsing websites is the most accessible here sa office, its the most used diversion method.

Kung nakikita mo 'kong nagba-browse ng ibang sites (websites, kung hindi mo alam ang sites), wag mo ko sitahin, kaya kitang tunawin ng tingin ko lang. Palibhasa, hindi gumagana utak mo.

I'm not slacking, I'm just resting my mind.

4. Eto lang yun eh, WRITERS SHOULD NEVER BE CONTAINED. We (artists in general) are free spirits. Let us be. Saka na kayo magreklamo kung hindi ako (kami) makapagproduce ng demands niyo nang dahil sa mga anik-anik (drawing, taking breaks, browsing websites, chatting) na ginagawa namin.

Ikaw Pentium II, tanong kita, was there ever a time na hindi ko naibigay or na-submit sayo articles ko? Was there ever a time na hindi ako umabot sa p*tanginang quota na yan?

I'm not at all like this, I'm just ranting. WTF

Ayokong mabigyan ng label, pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? Eto na. These are what my mind have concocted. Mayabang na kung mayabang. Ebil na kung ebil. Frog na kung frog!

Ikaw ba hindi? o_O

Don't worry, hindi kita papatulan. Hanggang dito lang 'to. Dahil ganyan lang kaya ng isip mo, pipilitin kitang intindihin dahil without humility, all my other virtues will be useless. Sana yun, naintindihan mo.

Whatever. Uy, meryenda time na! w00t

The Great Sister Act II

I have loved her the way she has and may never wholly understand. I loved her, and I will love her still.

Yes, in despite...


Kuya Marvynn, Omar, and ate Etchel, thank you very much for all your help ha. *hugs*

Wahahays!

I need my earphones, dammit. Kung bakit ba naman kasi, ni-uwi ko pa! Hays.

A Glimpse

I am proud to say that I come from a family of smart individuals. My sisters were scholars and dean's listers. I've had my share of honors and scholarships back in college. Sad to say, I grew up knowing I wasn't one of them. They’re professionals, I’m only an artist (but proud to be one!). I always knew I was not smart enough. I was always thought to be a slow-learner. I was the one with the face without a brain. I was the odd ball.

Now I know why.

I'm not dumb mother (I love you!). I'm as smart as you are my dear sisters (I love you too!). Unfortunately (?), I have short attention span and obscure tremors because I'm sick. If you were in my shoes, you'd know what I mean. I just wish you really were.

Now I feel like the black ant that explores my keyboard. I want to run, but I can't because I've got work to do. I can’t use my sickness as an excuse for some job undone. Good thing there's a window in front of me. The view is not beautiful, yet quiet. Good thing I have my own earphones. Loud progressive music calms me somehow in times like these. Good effin diversion eh?

Ready to Fight

I was in the hospital for two days. I was sick. No, I am still sick.

Yet, I am very happy. :)

There's a part in me which has been abnormally growing and it's causing me a lot of physical (and emotional) problems. I'm not worrying though. At least now I know what's wrong with me. It's serious, but not grave. It's curable, but if left untreated, could lead to heart failure and if that happens, I could honestly claim that my heart has been broken. haha

I'm not scared, not anymore.

Lord, thank you. Thank you very much! You saved me again. w00t

Isaw-Isaw at Sopdrinks Naman

Hindi na burgers.


Amie: *kwento kwento habang naglalakad*

Me: Pawis na po ikaw oh. Pawis na pawis na noo mo. Likod mo basa na rin ba?

Amie: Okay lang po. Nakalagay na sa likod yung towel ko eh. La na ko pamunas.

Me: Meron po pamunas diyan sa bag ko. Towel din yan. Alam ko mas gusto mo pamunas towel. Kaso maliit lang siya.

Amie: Baby wala naman po eh.

Me: Meron po diyan.

Amie: *tingin tingin pa rin*

Me: *tinulungan siya hanapin*

Amie: Ayun! Ang liit naman nito baby. Mini towel!

Me:

Amie: Baby tago mo po 'to!

Me: Huh?

Amie: Para po sa magiging baby natin!

Me:

Corrine's Lullaby

I've been in and out of it.

Stressors trace my steps until they catch me.

Who said it's gonna be easy?


me: i've been stuck here for the past two days
the evil in me is attacking me again
friend: @_@
ay parang un tinago nya si maggie?
me: and perhaps, no matter how hard i explain to people what is truly happening to me, no
one will ever understand
friend: ...i know na ung feeling mo
noon di kita magets
sorry po a..
me: :)
friend: ~_~
me: okey lang
i'm used to it
sanay na ko mangapa
friend: siguro mabagal talaga ako minsan mag digest ng info
me: pero i'm more at peace ngayon kasi meron na ko pinaghuhugutan ng lakas
friend: oo nga.. ako tired magpanggap
me: though it's verrry hard
to be sane
friend: whew
oo very hard
i know
me: :)


I was, and still am, screaming inside again. Thank you. Thank you for Corrine's lullabies.

While Looking at an Empty Chair

I woke up yesterday and found myself singing this song in my head. The same thing happened this morning. I can't even remember where I last heard it. Definitely not on fm radio, I don't listen to that. Not on tv too, I don't have time to watch tv. And absolutely not on my mp3, I only have praise songs, Sitti, Mr. Big, Tool, A Perfect Circle, Lamb of God, Chevelle, Hale, Sino Sikat, Razorback, Deftones, Rizal Underground, Firehouse, Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, Juan Pablo Dream, Sting & The Police, and yes, even Toto (courtesy of my guitar man) on mine. Hmm... it's another case of weird LSS.


I'm gonna live my life
like every days' the last
without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enoug for you to hear me now

gonna look back in vain and see you standing there
when all that remains is just an empty chair
anad now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough, I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now


Yes, like it's the last.

Californication

1st day of summer + inevitable ming-ming + gratuitous ding-dong = big fat regret


Addition? No.

Subtraction? No.

Multiplication? No.

Division? No.

It's Californication baby!

I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry.

*sob*

The House On Top of a Cliff

It was a sunny late afternoon. Waves were crashing against the walls of a cliff where a huge Victorian house lay on it.

Inside, I stood behind a screen door while looking at the sun as it slowly says goodbye for the day. Not far from me, a white man in his twenties rocked back and forth as he squats on the floor. He was repeatedly uttering someone’s name.

I suddenly found him looking at me. I knew what he was thinking.

Next door, two girls were playing on the backyard. Their dad, sitting on a lounge chair, was laughing as he conversed with an old couple. Their mom was inside the house, preparing some snacks.

I told the little girls that I wanted to see their mom. Without hesitation, she went with me to the house on top of the cliff where someone was waiting for her.

We were standing in the kitchen when he came from behind her. With a huge pan in his hands, he motioned to hit her on the head when I turned around. I knew what he was planning to do. I knew...

She stood. I pretended I wasn’t hearing her moan with pain. I pretended not to hear her calling my name in a whisper. I still had my back on her, but I can see her bloodied hands reaching out for me. When she was about to finally reach me, I got to the kitchen door and closed it behind me.

...and that was when I woke up. It’s seven in the morning. I have to go to work.

Valid

Goodbye Silent Pandemonium, hello Screaming Inside!

I finally decided to change my site's name because of these reasons:

> Silent Pandemonium (band, July 2006)

> Silent Pandemonium (Friendster blog, September 2006)

> Silent Pandemonium (About Deafness, December 2007)

> Silent Pandemonium (forum post including pic, May 2008)

> Silent Pandemonium (Italy, September 2008)

I was somewhat disappointed and upset when I came across these sites; but for the lack of legal rights or whatsoever you call it, I cannot claim that I am the real owner of the words silent pandemonium as a title anyway. Besides, the new name is more appropriate to what I truly feel...

every single day.