Hinugot Sa Dilim

Ma-drama ang aking gabi ngayon, pero totoo.

Isang malamig na gabi at tatlongpu't walong minuto makalipas ang alas tres. Hala, umaga na pala! Ngunit dahil ako ay may sakit, hindi ako dinadalaw ng antok. Sayang lang ang mga gamot na ininom ko. At dahil dun, magkwekwento na lang ako. Sabi ko nga sa inyo 'di ba, ang mga istorya ay regalo. Hayaan niyong regaluhan ko kayong muli.

Eto na siguro ang pinaka-mahabang post na magagawa ko. Huwag na kayo magtaka, hindi pa ko inaantok eh. He he. Ang totoo nyan, pilit akong humuhugot ng katinuan sa kasalukuyan. Oo, sa kasalukuyan. Oo, habang sinusulat ko 'to. Oo, habang lumalapat ang mga daliri ko sa keyboard. Bakit?

Ako ay takot. Takot akong matulog sa dilim.

Ate? Ate ko? Ate Meg?

Dati, kapag natatakot akong matulog mag-isa, tatakbo ako sa kwarto ng ate Meg ko.Tatabi muna ko sa kanya hanggang sa mawala takot ko. Kaso, wala na siya sa kwarto niya. Umalis na si ate Meg. Lumipad na siya papuntang Tsina. Sakay ng eroplano ha? Siyempre.

Umalis na ang taong nagdala sakin sa Pacita National Highschool. Naaalala ko pa.

Tag-araw noon. Abril ng nakaraang taon. Ayoko maiwan mag-isa sa bahay kaya sabi ko, "ate, isama mo naman ako. Ayoko mag-isa dito sa bahay. Masyado malungkot." Nung ding araw na yun, nagbago ang buhay ko.

Saan patungo ang aking kapatid? Bakit pupunta siya ng paaralan na iyon? Iyon ay para sa isang programa para sa Singles For Christ (SFC). Marahil nagtaka ang aking ate ng mga panahon na yun. Pinigilan na lang niya ang kanyang sarili na magtanong kung bakit ako sumama. Totoo na nung una, kaya ako sumama kasi ayaw ko maiwan sa bahay. Malungkot. Malungkot ang buhay ko nung mga panahon na yun. Ayokong sayangin ang panahon ko sa hingapis na dinulot ng mga pangyayari. Sa isang karaniwang tao marahil, hindi mahalaga ang mga nangyari sakin. Pero para sakin, malaki ang naging epekto nito.

Magulo, malungkot, yan ang mga tamang salita na pwedeng magbigay depinisyon sa buhay ko dati. Siguro napakasama kong tao kaya noong mga panahon na yun, kinuha ang lahat sakin ni Lord. Ay sus! Ako rin, akala ko sa mga telenovela ko lang maririnig ang mga salita na yun. Kaso, ayun, nangyari na nga sakin. Hindi ko na alam kung saan at paano ako tatayo.

Pasensya na kayo, hindi ko na iisa-isahin kung paano kinuha ni Lord ang lahat nang binigay Niya sakin.

Hindi ko inisip na lahat ng maririnig ko nung panahon na yun sa loob ng isang silid-paaralan sa Pacita ay matatamaan ako. Masakit marinig na sa tinagal-tagal ng panahon, nagkamali pala ako sa aking mga naging kilos. Akala ko ginagawa ko na ang tama. Ang yabang ko pa para isipin na kakayanin ko ang lahat ng walang ibang tutulog sakin. Mali pala ko.

Noon ko din nalaman na lahat ng mga ginagawa ko sa buhay, hindi ako ang nagpaplano kungdi si Lord. Ang lakas pa ng loob ko para sabihin na mga plano ko nga ang mga yun. Hindi pala! Siya lang ang pwedeng magsabi sakin, satin, kung ano and dapat natin gawin sa buhay. Ang pagkakamali lang natin, hindi tayo marunong makinig sa Kanya. Kaya ayun, nagkakanda letse-letse (patawad) ang mga buhay natin.

Kinabukasan.

Kita ang mga patak ng ulan sa gilid ng bintana mula sa aking puwesto sa opisina. Walong minuto na lang at alas diyes na. Wala pa rin ang karamihan sa aking mga katrabaho. Saan nga ba papunta ang salaysay na ito?

Mimi, eto na ang sagot sa katanungan mo.

"Finally, I made the right choice," sinabi ko minsan. Nagtaka si Mimi. Honga pala, si Mimi ay isa sa mga kasalukuyang katrabaho ko sa i-Pay. Huwag mo lolokohin yan kung ayaw mo malipat ilong mo sa pwet. Mimi peace tayo ha? *peace sign*

Sa wakas, sa unang pagkakataon ng maikling buhay ko, naging tama ako sa desisyon kong sumali sa SFC. Malaki. Malaki ang naitulong nito sa buhay ko. Maraming salamat sa inyo ha?

Mula sa aking mga pagkakamali, tinulungan ninyo akong makabangon muli. Sa pamamagitan ninyo, tinawag ako ni Lord. Niyakap Niya ako at sinabi, "Punasan mo ang iyong mga mata at lumapit ka sa akin. Mamahalin pa rin kita kahit ang mga ito'y may luha."

Madilim ang paligid. Gabi na naman. Ilaw mula sa aking laptop ang nagsisilbing liwanag sa aking gabi. Kailangan ko pa bang matakot? Kailangan ko pa bang mag-alala? Hindi na. Dahil mula sa dilim, ako ay hinugot Niya.

Stories Are Gifts

It's not everyday that you can get to share a story with a loved one. It's not everyday that you can get to share a story with a lonesome friend. It's not everyday that you can get to share a story and move someone or perhaps, to make someone smile and realize things are not what it seems. There are just things you can't explain through plain words but with a story, you simply can't go wrong.

That's why I can't help but share to you that story about the little girl and Maggie. It's true. I mean the thing about stories are gifts.

It may not be inspiring, funny, or interesting. But once said with love and care, stories become little gifts wrapped in ribbons and whatnots. It is a present after all.

Tara, kwentuhan tayo friend.

Why Are You Letting These Happen Anyway?

Maggie was lying on her bed. A window stares back with its bustle and lights. Not far away, the church bells sings its chorus. It's Sunday again.

Her bald head itching, Maggie stared back at the pair of windows with inquiring eyes. The sun's rays seemed to be showering her with hope. But it felt nothing. Not even the slightest warmth.

With wet cheeks, Maggie closed her eyes and looked at the indispensable figure at the wall. His arms were wide open in agony, "Lord, please send me someone to look over me. I am in pain. I am in sorrow. I have no one."

Maggie soon fell into a deep sleep. Slumber.

In a blinding flash of light, Maggie woke up. A litte girl stood by her bed. Like Maggie, the little girl had no hair left on her head. Like Maggie, the little girl was frail. But unlike Maggie, the little girl's eyes were smiling. She was happy.

"Who are you?" Maggie asked.

The little girl scratched her hairless top, "You asked for me!"

Without taking her eyes off the little girl, Maggie slowly sat up, "I did?"

With her little hands behind her back, the little girl answered back, "Funny, you asked for me but you can't remember. Humans really are confusing me. Tsk."

"But, but, you have no wings! No hair!" Maggie was starting to get scared.

"Hee hee," the little girl kept herself from laughing out loud.

"Angels need no hair. Angels need no wings! You ask too many questions. Hee hee" the little girl said as she sat beside Maggie. She held up her little hands and touched Maggie's face. An uncomfortable silence swept between the two. They were looking at each other but had nothing to say.

Finally, the little girl broke the stillness, "Tell me, why did you ask for me anyway?"

Maggie closed her eyes and sat up with a heavy sigh. She stared at the little girl and asked, "If there is a God, why did He let this happen to me? If there is a God, why is there pain? If there is God, why is there sorrow? If there is a God,why is there anguish?!"

Breathing heavily, Maggie wept and hid her face in her hands, "I want to sing. I want to shout! How can people say I'm selfish if all I'm thinking is how to make them happy? I want to say to God, please take me. Please?"

The little girl stood up and paced the room smiling, "You see! You know there is a God! You just asked him for something! Again."

Maggie kept on weeping, a hand on her chest and another her on her eyes. The little girl let out a sigh and folded her arms, "You said God is with you (old post link)? Then why are you like this? You know you're right! God is all in us. He's with you. He's with me. He is with everyone."

The little girl sat at the edge of the bed while Maggie just kept to herself still. In a very low voice, the little girl said, "God is a part of all of us put together. When you ask Him why is He letting all these happen, it's like asking yourself why am I letting all these happen to me."

Maggie felt a kiss land on her forehead. She looked up and found herself alone. The indispensable figure on the wall was now gone. The sun's rays washed over her as she heard a knock on the door.

"Hon?"

Maggie looked at the door, closed her eyes, smiled, opened her eyes again and said, "Thank you Lord."

-Mimi and Ms. Debi, thank you para sa concept nung story. :)

Echoes

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah

Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

Theres something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah

Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

IPAGLALABAN KITA. The words kept echoing through my head. I WILL, I WILL, and I WILL. I won't let my past mistakes get to me. You see, it's not that some people have the willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.

Hays, whatever plans He has for me, then so be it. I'd be glad and honored that I was used for His benefit.

*crazy*

Hey, Look At The Sun

Should you falter,
I will try to understand.
But the sun will not shine on that day.
It will but hide amongst the clouds.

Leave Me Be - An Open Letter

Music is wine to my cup of silence. So when I have my earphones on, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. Its there for a reason.

Thank you.

Not at My Desk

Just been really busy. Super.