Smoking Chocolate Goodness

To keep myself from doing opposite of item #6 on this previous post, I've been trying to deviate "the urge" into something more favourable: sweets.

Today’s (actually yesterday's kaso sira Multiply kahapon kaya late post pffft) dessert is courtesy of Tel. Yummy brownies!

Cold ones – just the way I like it! Yuuuum!*

Thanks Tel!

I have been smoking for the past nine years. I started with Marlboro reds then moved on to lights, and now, I’m on the green ones. I have tried so many times to stop it before, but all my efforts were wasted. Until recently, I hadn't realized how important it is for me to stop 100%. I have been experiencing chest pains and difficulty in breathing. I have been having night chills and fevers. Oh noes! With God’s grace, and the sweets (in moderation), I know I’ll get through this. I will and I should!

*not the actual ones

Felicidad

I'm going home to an empty house tonight. I'm celebrating Mama's birthday without her - for the first time.

Happy birthday Ma! We miss you! I love you! *flying hugs en kisses to the heavens

Mimi, James, and the Big Guy

I was quietly suffering from a panic attack yesterday when Mimi suddenly crossed my mind. I figured then, I’m missing her.

Immediately, I took my cellphone off my bag and sent her an sms. Not long after, she went online and we were soon chatting away as if we haven’t spoken to each other in years.

“Alam mo gamot sa PAD? Hugs!”, Mimi said.

Oh, so now I know why I love hugs so much.

“Pero dapat ng malaking tao. Kapag maliit na tao, dapat dalawa sila.”, Mimi added.

Oh, so now I know why God gave me pareng Diyames. I love that big guy, and the other Bigger Guy most importantly of course. I love them both.

Mimi, thank you very much ha? The panic has been on and off since yesterday, but I can endure more now. I just need some hugs.

(Perhaps Diana needs some too, though she's not in any panic or something. I hope she'll be feeling okay soon.)

My PAD is Almost Full

I feel like doing this again. Eto na naman siya.

Right here. Right now.

Ayoko Na, Instead

I know this is a little bit too late to start with. Resolutions are supposed to be made as, or before, the year starts. Kaso, it felt like overused na yung idea ng paggawa ng resolutions. Majority ng mga tao ngayon, gumagawa man ng listahan nila, hindi naman nila sinusunod.

Kaya instead of writing down a list of the things that I'm supposed to do right this year, I did the opposite. I wrote down things that I don't want to do or experience anymore. Honestly, it felt good to write these things down. You might want to write your own.

1. Ayoko na maging tambay. Ayoko na ng walang (regular/full-time) work or job. Ayoko na maranasan yung umaasa ako sa ibang tao, financially man o sa kung ano pang aspeto.

2. Ayoko na ng maraming assignments. I mean, i could juggle them all together pero, my life will not revolve around work anymore. Tama na. Ayoko nang masayang ang oras ko. May mga mas importanteng bagay pa dito sa mundo na mas dapat pinaguukulan ng quality time.

3. Ayoko na ng may kaaway sa bahay namin or kanila James, sa work, sa community, or kahit saan pa. I have forgiven and forgotten na. It's time to move on. Sabi nga ni Kimpay, "KEEP MOVING FORWARD".

4. Ayoko nang hindi kami magkaintindihan ni James sa mga bagay bagay na nangyayari sa amin. The good Lord has great plans for us and we can't wait for things to finally happen. God is in the center of our relationship and He is in control. Amen!

5. Ayoko na si Ding-dong. Ayoko na rin si Ming-ming. Kung hindi niyo sila kilala, 'wag niyo na kilalanin. Please? *wink*

6. Ayoko na magyosi at uminom. Period.

Marami pang iba pero these items pretty much sums it all up and I think this list could help me decide on matters mentioned here. We'll see sa part 2 na lang nun.

Ay oo nga palaka, happy hearts' day sa lahat!

Then There's Three Again

How do you set up goals in your life? Last week, I was caught in between three questions:

Can I manage my own online business/company?

Should I just work from home?

Could I perhaps apply for a full-time position again?

Frustrated and confused, I called my ever-reliable big sister, ate Meg, into my room. According to her, setting our own priorities is as important as setting our goals. Considering my distaste for making sound decisions, I asked her what I should really do.

At first, I mentioned about the online business. Also last week and out of the blue, I received an SMS message from an employer to whom I worked for several years back. He is also a good friend of my nanay. He was willing to finance an online business, if I could manage it for him. Writing articles for students was what he had in mind. I could hire five or so writers and he would provide the office, equipment and logistics. He'd pay me to manage everything. I was ecstatic! What were the chances that I could start my (own) business with somebody else's money? I mean, I could never have imagined that someone would offer me as big as this!

Then there's the home-based assignments. There's four of 'em at the moment. The pay is good, but not regular. And ugh, I'm starting to get tired with having to face pressures from different people with the same thing in mind: deadline. I know it's one thing I should know by now, but meeting deadlines while not getting paid weeks after, is so stressful. Now that I come to think of it, I should have made deadlines for payments like they did.

Or like any other office-working employee, I could go to work everyday; that's 8 hours a day, 5 (or 6) days a week. Joe, not his real name, offered me what I used to make at i-Pay. His offer is pretty tempting. Office starts at 10 in the morning and there's no required dress code. I can come as I am. Pretty tempting indeed. Good pay + considerable proximity+ no required dress code + no strict attendance issues = perfect job? For me, maybe.

What do you think?

An Early Gift

I got the best gift from Him this year: time.

I was terminated from Ubiquitous English Network of Avalon, Inc. (UENAI or Avalon English School in South Korea) as an editor this past Wednesday. I don’t know why, but it never gave me the slightest emotion of anger or sadness. I’m not claiming to be holier than any of you reading this, but ever since I had Him in my life, everything seemed to be clearer.

I will quote Art Fleming, famous host-star of the long time television show Jeopardy, on his reaction when his long-running quiz show was going to be dropped:

“I am not the least upset about it. In fact, I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me. It may sound strange, but I really believe every time one door closes, another, even better one, opens. My life has always been in the hands of God and knowing that gives me a positive mental attitude. I can accept whatever He has in store for me and whatever it is, it’ll be better than Jeopardy – I just know it. I don’t claim to be holier than you, but the way I see it, if God is for me, who can be against me? My inspiration and guidance come from my everyday conversations with God. I thank Him for each and everyday – regardless of what happens.”

More or less, I have the same words goes for me. In a positive way, I see my termination as a means for me to have more time for the things and people that really matters. I can now have more time to hug my pets, cook (I love to cook! It’s been a long time since I last cooked a hearty meal) for my family, maintain cleanliness of our house, talk with my siblings and parents, read more books, help my sweet baby James (I love you very much baby!) with his thesis, go to church more, participate in SFC-FFL more, and most importantly, finish three projects for various people and institutions (and there’s more to come, woohoo!).

I hate to say it, but in many ways, leaving i-Pay last June was the best career move I ever made. If not for which, I may not have gone through these things. I would not be a real writer now. It paved way for me to learn formal writing from UENAI (I have no formal training in writing because I’m an IT graduate), report an event for Where To Play (a PAGCOR magazine), and write a book for a friend. The book is still on the works and there’ll be more reporting assignments. I just can’t wait what’s next!

*apir*