Sweet Baby James

I heard the sweetest words last night...

"You're my God sent."

Another Batch

Feels like my bosom is about to explode, I am uber nervous. The second batch of tests I have to undergo is due tomorrow.

My computer monitor starts to get blurry. *drip*

The first test didn’t go so well. Two doctors administered an IE – Internal Examination. It was so painful that I had to grasp the edge of the bed. Nanay was just outside. I wanted to call her but that would be so lame on my part. I’m no kid anymore.

Honestly, I am so tired, tired of all the pain and sorrow. How I wish God would take me and then I’d be at peace. How wonderful life would be then…

Lay down your arms, and surrender to me. -Pearl Jam

Just when I thought I could never give myself to anyone anymore...

*sigh of relief*

I am back on the dating scene.

*happy dance*

Words That Heal

I woke up feeling ecstatic today. Then someone crossed my mind. *Swoosh*

Chitchu is planning to convert into another religion. A move he is willing to take for a girl he left me for. A move in which he's not sure whether she'll have him or not once he has "taken" their side. It's a huge question of faith and, it's a considerably desperate move. I can't blame him. Anyone would do anything for... love? Anyway, that he's life. Goodluck.

Me angry? No. Definitely. Just sad. Sad because he is a lost sheep. He may have said it's no big deal for him. I just think he has no idea what he's getting into. Absolutely nothing.

Anger has always been such a huge burden for me. It created out of me a mindless individual who again and again tries to hurt those people who have hurt me in the past. A word of advice my friends… forgive them. Forgive those people who have hurt you. Tell them the words that could and would heal you: I forgive you.

I know it’s not that easy. It never is. It would take a great deal of time before anyone could forgive. And yet, forgiving takes off all of your burden. It'll set you free. It will free you from having to think of ways to take vengeance or having to think of what you could have done to prevent them from hurting you. Those things won’t help. Never.

On the contrary, why do most of us can't have the heart to forgive? My theory, because it makes us think that we’re more powerful over those persons when we’re mad or angry. Then why do we still cry at night when no one sees us? See my point?!

So, forgive and forget. It’s your only freedom. Trust me. I know, I did.

God is With Me

I went to the doctor yesterday. After 30 minutes of annoying physical exams altered with relaxed conversation, my doctor wrote me a referral letter addressed to the Philippine General Hospital. I am to undergo further exams - for cancer detection.

I went home feeling tired. I was supposed to go to work on a half-day basis but I decided not to. At first, it felt nothing to me. I spoke to my parents, I ate my lunch, took a cigarette and went for a nap. I woke up after an hour. The house was empty.

For the first time that day, after knowing what I'll be up against, tears started to fall down my cheeks.

When I Thought No One Cared

I was browsing through the ladies section of Bench - Robinson Galleria Ortigas branch the other day, after a few minutes I finally decided to try a few clothes. I noticed a young saleslady folding clothes just nearby. So, I asked for her assistance. I called her "Miss?".

But unexpectedly, she only took notice of me until after my fourth call. I waved my right hand, while holding a few clothes with the other, "Miss, miss!".

That was when she looked at me. I was supposed to be really upset at her for not noticing me. Then she showed me her ID and I saw what was written... "DEAF Staff".

I would like to send my kudos to the management and staff of Bench for extending their hand in helping our somewhat disabled brothers and sisters. They are doing a great job in uplifting hope amongst our fellow Filipinos who once thought that no one cared for them. With proper guidance and help, I know they can also make a difference just like the "normal" rest of us.

I am not a good person in general. I am no part of any organization who helps disabled person. I just happened to pass by that day. I am so touched by their generosity in helping others. As payment for what the kind lady did for me, I will spread the good word through this blog. I hope Bench will continue to help "them". Congratulations on the great job Bench! Kudos to everyone! ^_^

Unfortunately, I forgot to ask for the sales lady's name, maybe through this blog, I can thank her or everyone at Bench's Robinson's Galleria - Ortigas branch. Thanks! :)

The Intelligraph Visitor

I am the Intelligraph Visitor. I went back to Intelligraph today. It felt good to see the old and familiar faces. It brought back memories.

I was fired from my previous job before Intelligraph. It was a sudden death. The termination letter accusef me of not having enough talents to make it through their upcoming projects. It was a huge blow for me. The letter even said "You'd better look for a job that will suit what talents you have". Ouch. I have been working there for the past 5 months before this occured. After being nominated for Best Writer of the Month for three consecutive months and after being dubbed as IT Specialist they suddenly claimed I had no talent. WOW.

So, I took it with a grain of salt and that was when Intelligraph welcomed me. I am actually in debt to the owners for giving me a second chance. I thought no one would hire me as a writer because of the previous termination. I had been honest and happy. That was for the first two months. Then God laid His wrath on me. I was heartbroken.

I thought no one noticed as I started to get lousy at work. But a lot of my colleagues did and so, I decided to leave them. I think it was the best move I made. If I stayed there, I would only sink deeper into bleakdom. I needed a new environment to keep me busy. I needed something to divert me from what was really happening. I needed a fresh start.

I guess being heartbroken took the best out of me. No one may have noticed but I cried on my last day at Intelligraph. I wanted to hug everyone before I go but I was too shy. I guess it's just me. So, I just waved goodbye.

To everyone at Intelligraph, I thank you! *bow*