Corrine's Lullaby

I've been in and out of it.

Stressors trace my steps until they catch me.

Who said it's gonna be easy?


me: i've been stuck here for the past two days
the evil in me is attacking me again
friend: @_@
ay parang un tinago nya si maggie?
me: and perhaps, no matter how hard i explain to people what is truly happening to me, no
one will ever understand
friend: ...i know na ung feeling mo
noon di kita magets
sorry po a..
me: :)
friend: ~_~
me: okey lang
i'm used to it
sanay na ko mangapa
friend: siguro mabagal talaga ako minsan mag digest ng info
me: pero i'm more at peace ngayon kasi meron na ko pinaghuhugutan ng lakas
friend: oo nga.. ako tired magpanggap
me: though it's verrry hard
to be sane
friend: whew
oo very hard
i know
me: :)


I was, and still am, screaming inside again. Thank you. Thank you for Corrine's lullabies.

While Looking at an Empty Chair

I woke up yesterday and found myself singing this song in my head. The same thing happened this morning. I can't even remember where I last heard it. Definitely not on fm radio, I don't listen to that. Not on tv too, I don't have time to watch tv. And absolutely not on my mp3, I only have praise songs, Sitti, Mr. Big, Tool, A Perfect Circle, Lamb of God, Chevelle, Hale, Sino Sikat, Razorback, Deftones, Rizal Underground, Firehouse, Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, Juan Pablo Dream, Sting & The Police, and yes, even Toto (courtesy of my guitar man) on mine. Hmm... it's another case of weird LSS.


I'm gonna live my life
like every days' the last
without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enoug for you to hear me now

gonna look back in vain and see you standing there
when all that remains is just an empty chair
anad now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough, I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now


Yes, like it's the last.

Californication

1st day of summer + inevitable ming-ming + gratuitous ding-dong = big fat regret


Addition? No.

Subtraction? No.

Multiplication? No.

Division? No.

It's Californication baby!

I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry.

*sob*

The House On Top of a Cliff

It was a sunny late afternoon. Waves were crashing against the walls of a cliff where a huge Victorian house lay on it.

Inside, I stood behind a screen door while looking at the sun as it slowly says goodbye for the day. Not far from me, a white man in his twenties rocked back and forth as he squats on the floor. He was repeatedly uttering someone’s name.

I suddenly found him looking at me. I knew what he was thinking.

Next door, two girls were playing on the backyard. Their dad, sitting on a lounge chair, was laughing as he conversed with an old couple. Their mom was inside the house, preparing some snacks.

I told the little girls that I wanted to see their mom. Without hesitation, she went with me to the house on top of the cliff where someone was waiting for her.

We were standing in the kitchen when he came from behind her. With a huge pan in his hands, he motioned to hit her on the head when I turned around. I knew what he was planning to do. I knew...

She stood. I pretended I wasn’t hearing her moan with pain. I pretended not to hear her calling my name in a whisper. I still had my back on her, but I can see her bloodied hands reaching out for me. When she was about to finally reach me, I got to the kitchen door and closed it behind me.

...and that was when I woke up. It’s seven in the morning. I have to go to work.

Valid

Goodbye Silent Pandemonium, hello Screaming Inside!

I finally decided to change my site's name because of these reasons:

> Silent Pandemonium (band, July 2006)

> Silent Pandemonium (Friendster blog, September 2006)

> Silent Pandemonium (About Deafness, December 2007)

> Silent Pandemonium (forum post including pic, May 2008)

> Silent Pandemonium (Italy, September 2008)

I was somewhat disappointed and upset when I came across these sites; but for the lack of legal rights or whatsoever you call it, I cannot claim that I am the real owner of the words silent pandemonium as a title anyway. Besides, the new name is more appropriate to what I truly feel...

every single day.

Bago Matapos...

...ang buwan ng mga puso, may pinahabol ang isang ming-ming:



Sagot naman nung isa,



Amie, para sa'yo ata 'to.

Smoking Chocolate Goodness

To keep myself from doing opposite of item #6 on this previous post, I've been trying to deviate "the urge" into something more favourable: sweets.

Today’s (actually yesterday's kaso sira Multiply kahapon kaya late post pffft) dessert is courtesy of Tel. Yummy brownies!

Cold ones – just the way I like it! Yuuuum!*

Thanks Tel!

I have been smoking for the past nine years. I started with Marlboro reds then moved on to lights, and now, I’m on the green ones. I have tried so many times to stop it before, but all my efforts were wasted. Until recently, I hadn't realized how important it is for me to stop 100%. I have been experiencing chest pains and difficulty in breathing. I have been having night chills and fevers. Oh noes! With God’s grace, and the sweets (in moderation), I know I’ll get through this. I will and I should!

*not the actual ones