Silent Pandemonium

Exchange virtual drinks and have fun - ad

2011-07-24T09:37:00.001-07:00

Make new friends and exchange virtual drinks. Sign up now to start having fun >>

The Product Lair - Campaign #2 - ad

2011-07-24T09:19:00.001-07:00

A new online shopping search tool that makes it easy to find offers, coupons, & discounts with no ads!

Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue! - ad

2011-07-20T09:25:00.003-07:00

Who doesn't love Toy Story? Check out the Buzz Lightyear Facebook page and like it!

How To Create A Free Twitter Infographic - ad

2011-07-20T09:25:00.001-07:00

Create a free Twitter infographic. Click to know how!

Adidas vs. Nike - ad

2011-07-20T09:23:00.001-07:00

Which kicks do you prefer? Adidas of Nikes? Check out the Facebook page and Like it!

The Product Lair - Campaign #2 - ad

2011-07-18T13:27:00.001-07:00

A new online shopping search tool that makes it easy to find products, offers, coupons, discounts, etc.

Super Group Buy Deal! - ad

2011-07-18T13:26:00.001-07:00

Elegant White Butterfly Case For iPhone 4! Super Group Deal! 50% OFF! HURRY UP! Only 100 left!

What kind of kisser are you? - ad

2011-07-18T13:24:00.001-07:00

Dry lips or wet? Swoop in or stalk quietly? What kind of kisser are you? Take the quiz!

Michael Scott from the Office - ad

2011-07-15T13:44:00.001-07:00

Are you a fan of The Office? Then you are definitely a fan of the Michael Scott. Like his FB fan page here!

The Jersey Shore - ad

2011-07-15T13:43:00.001-07:00

It's a Jersey Thing! Like this page and see everything Jersey Shore!

Beyonce Bootylicious - ad

2011-07-13T10:57:00.005-07:00

Who runs the world? Beyonce! Like the Facebook page dedicated to the bootylicious B!

Ryan Dunn: American JackAss (RIP) - ad

2011-07-13T10:57:00.003-07:00

Ryan Dunn's passing was untimely. Support the Jackass star's legacy when you Like this fan page!

Enter The Better Skin For @YourLifeAfter25 Sweeps! 7/12-8/05 - ad

2011-07-13T10:57:00.001-07:00

Enter to WIN the Better Skin For @YourLifeAfter25 Sweeps! Win a @FacePlace Skin Care Package!

Are you addicted to Facebook? Take the quiz! - ad

2011-07-11T11:53:00.001-07:00

Are you obsessed with Facebook? There are some warning signs..take the quiz and find out!

The Simpsons Rule - ad

2011-07-11T11:50:00.001-07:00

The Simpsons are everybody's fave family. Like them on FB and show your support!

Don't Make Me Say Grande? - ad

2011-07-08T14:22:00.001-07:00

Sick of the coffee people correcting you when you say medium not grande? Me too! Like the FB page!

In Memory of Ping Ping - ad

2011-07-08T14:21:00.001-07:00

Pingping was the shortest man - 2 feet 5 inches tall. He recently died in Rome. Like the Pingping FB page!

Victoria's Secret Pink Girls! - ad

2011-07-08T14:13:00.001-07:00

Check out the page dedicated to all the Victorias' Secret models and Like it!

Surviving Off Off-Grid - ad

2011-06-30T01:28:00.001-07:00

Can you survive off the grid? Learn how from Michael Bunker and start living an off-grid life now!

Win $100 Paypal Cash! - ad

2011-06-29T23:26:00.001-07:00

Win $100 Paypal cash! RT Retweet This for a chance to Win $150 Worth of Paypal Cash Prizes! Via @wealthforteens

Anthony's Weiner - ad

2011-06-29T02:43:00.001-07:00

Anthony Weiner's is in a load of trouble and the internet is having a laugh at his expense!

Turk and JD - ad

2011-06-29T02:42:00.001-07:00

Turk and JD are Scrubs' cutest couple! Like the Facebook fan page dedicated to the best buds!

BFT AFFILIATE PROGRAM - ad

2011-06-28T11:26:00.001-07:00

Earn 20% commission for every sale with the Buy Fans Today Affiliate Program!

Enes Kanter: The Sultan of Utah - ad

2011-06-28T11:05:00.001-07:00

Enes Kanter, the Sultan of Utah?

Kyrie Irving: Cleveland's Savior! - ad

2011-06-28T11:04:00.001-07:00

Kyrie Irving is Cleveland's savior?

Shopping on Ebay has never been easier! - ad

2011-06-27T15:48:00.001-07:00

For women of fashion, Attagirl makes online shopping fun!

What color matches your personality? - ad

2011-06-27T15:45:00.001-07:00

What color matches up with your personality? Take this quiz and find out!

Are you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? - ad

2011-06-27T15:42:00.001-07:00

Are you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? Find out!

Win $100 Paypal Cash! - ad

2011-06-27T10:23:00.001-07:00

RT @wealthforteens and Follow Us to Win $100 PLUS 3 x $15 in Paypal Cash Prizes!

Elizabeth's Heart - ad

2011-06-27T10:21:00.001-07:00

A summer must read-Elizabeth's Heart. Paranormal historical romance set in the Massachusetts Asylum in 1929. http://lx.im/1dt3q?v=1OHZ8MRdEZ_ANIpL1OzFXYShLbyGLxeqKBruq0Y44rM

Added Value Dollars - We Help You Get There! FREE - ad

2011-06-27T10:19:00.001-07:00

The site sells itself, 100% free & a great way to earn lots of easy money!

New FaceBook App Earns You Income - ad

2011-06-26T11:08:00.001-07:00

Check out this new application that pays you for sharing videos on Facebook.

The Twilight Power Quiz! - ad

2011-06-26T10:59:00.001-07:00

Not only are the Twilight vamps hot, but they get cool powers too! Take this quiz and test your vampire knowledge!

It's Now or Never

2011-06-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

I want start a home-based business and name it Nicodemus Media. Under its wings, it'll manage Lowercase Photography, Parakletos Productions, The Storytellers, Nook-nukan ng Kaartehan, and Gra'mma in Sneakers.

The corporate world may have drained me of my creative juices. Not anymore!

*uber excited*

It's good to be back. \m/

Thank you!

2009-07-30T02:27:00.000-07:00

I'll see you next week...

Of Boodle Fights and Dirty Hands

2009-07-23T15:25:00.000-07:00

Baboy? Baboy? Tila batingaw sa aking pandinig at memorya na unti-unting kumakain sa aking pag-iisip. Maka-ilang ulit na ako nakakita ng mga larawang nagpapakita ng mga ika nga eh, boodle fights sa ating mga peryodiko. Ikaw nga ay matanong ko, bakit ito tinotolerate ng ating mga politiko?

Kawawa naman ang Pilipinas, sa isang banda ay napag-iwanan nanaman tayo ng ating mga kapatid sa Asya. Nakakalungkot isipin na gumagamit ng kubyertos ang ating mga kapwa Asyano, at tayo? Nagkakamay, not out of pakikisama of whatever tradition we have, but because we are poor.

Try to look at boodle fight picture. It's quite degrading to see that this politicians, and other notable people in society, engage themselves in this kind of thing. For what reason? Dahil sabi daw nila, nakiki-simpatiya sila sa kalagayan ng mamamayang Pilipino. Hindi niyo ba nakikita? It's like these pigs are actually tolerating poverty! We've become a Pig-dom in the making. Sad, so sad.

What this heart of mine desires in not to eliminate our people from a way of eating in which we have at least all known how to eat during fiestas, or picnic perhaps, out there in the bukid or in the beach. Heck, eating sinangag na rice with tuyo for breakfast with the hands during rainy season is comforting; but doing the same thing to comfort the poor is hell.

Binubulag ng ating mga politiko ang ating mga naghihirap na kababayan. Kunyari sasali sila sa pagkain sa pamamagitan ng pagkamay ngunit ang totoo niyan, pinapakita ng ating mga politiko na ok lang na maghirap tayo. Nakangiti pa ang mga loko. Nasaan na ang moral natin? Nasaan na ang mga moral ng ating kababayan kung ganitong mismo ang mga politiko ang nagpapakita ng mga ganitong gawain? Ipakita sana nila na kahit naghihirap ang Pinoy, meron naman tayong dangal na kumain gamit ang mga kubyertos. At kahit mahirap tayo, hindi tayo baboy sa ating pamumuhay. Kawawa naman si Juan Dela Cruz.

Go on, keep on posting of picture of these boodle fights between politicians and the poor. Let the world see that politicians here in the Philippines tolerate poverty and instead of helping our poor kababayans na makaahon sa kanilang kahirapan, they eat like pigs - without dignity or morals at all.

Photos courtesy of : http://frjessie.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/boodle-fight.jpg
http://www.senate.gov.ph/photo_release/2009/0303_00.jpg
http://www.ellentordesillas.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/trillanes-plus-4-roco.JPG

Babatukan Na Kita

2009-07-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

...sa paraang kalambing-lambing: isang yakap mula sa langit.

There are so many selfish people in this world that they fail to see what suffering means. Have you ever thought that all the bad things in your life happened for a reason? Perhaps, you have looked at yourself as someone who can handle everything by yourself. Big mistake my friend, biggest mistake in fact.

Gising kapatid, gising!

Go ahead, ask Him what He wants to happen in your life. Ask Him what does He want YOU TO DO.

A Purrfect Love Affair

2009-03-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have always loved cats. My earliest memory of owning a cat was when I was about 5 or 6 years old. My love affair with them started way back in 1987 when we moved to San Pedro, Laguna from Quezon City. Her name was Muning, a typical name any first-time cat owner would name his or her cat. I remember getting upset when I saw Muning being taken by a visitor in our neighbor's backyard.

My siblings have had dogs, whereas a cat was what I always preferred. I even remember my late Mama saying, "Mahilig ka talaga sa pusa. Ne, maliit ka pa oh naalala ko, uuwi kang may dalang pusa." (Memories... Ma, I miss you na! I love you!)

Through the years, I've had many cats with names ranging from Penelope Laila (after Liza Milo - do you remember her from that scary tv show? yep, I knew her), Ling-ming Mei (after that Macros character), Pen (short for Penelope Laila, her life was also short *sad*), Orange Waffle, My Beautiful Gorgo (after Queen Gorgo of King Leonidas in the movie 300), Kat-Kat (a male cat which I gave a girl's name hehe), Amy, Chub-Chub, Snow Flake (because he was white as snow), Cibo, Prince Albert (after that Sweet Valley High character) and many more I can't even remember at all.

A few months ago, I was reading a Reader's Digest magazine when I came across an article, entitled Garfield's Good-Life Guide, which caught my attention. It was about cats and why they behave like they do. What struck me was when it said:

"Let the cat make the first move. Don't come to me and expect me to rejoice. I will come to you - on my own terms and in my own time. When I meet a new human, I know immediately whether he's a cat person. If he pets me and suffocates me with hugs, yuck! It's so over. But if he ignores me or is allergic or is terrified, I find him irresistible. Unlike indiscriminate dogs, a cat likes a challenge. Always let the cat make the first move, or suffer the consequences."

It was like I was reading an article about me. That was when I concluded that my fascination with cats had something to do with how we both interact with people. Of all the other items on the article, only one was not applicable to me. That also made me almost conclude that I have a high-functioning autism. Especially when I heard about the book entitled All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome. But it's all vague right?

It was weird because I knew it was not impossible to happen. Then again, weird is nothing new to me. Hmm, I don't think this purrfect love affair is yet to be over.

Reference: All Cats Have Asperger Syndrom by Kathy Hoopman
Garfield's Good-Life Guide by RD Pets, Reader's Digest January 2008

Pentium II

2009-03-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

...that's how I will call her, dahil yun ang processing level ng utak niya.

There are many like her. Madami na kong napasukan na trabaho bilang isang manunulat. Sa lahat ng mga working environments na yun, laging merong mga taong katulad niya. Hindi ko masabi sa kanya (sa kanila) mga problema ko sa mga ginagawa nila kasi kung kilala mo ko, I suffer/fight back in silence.

Describe ko na lang siya/sila.

1. Maingay. Manunulat ako kaya importante sa akin ang katahimikan. Anak ng p*ta (pasensya na, it's effin frustrating na eh!) naman kung hindi alam ng katrabaho ko yun. It's a huge effin general knowledge.

Anyway, Pentium II talaga. BS. We have different tastes in music. You have been here for like, what? A month and you still have no idea what kind of music we listen to? Come on, you've heard us. Please, keep your playlists to yourself. Pero since you can't, you leave me no choice...

side note: IMHO, writers who love (supposedly) noise are... hmm... okay so you are still writers, pero for me, you lack depth. Full of blabbering, pero walang meaning. In short, mababaw. Kung writer ka at hindi mo matanggap ang criticism ko, hindi ka dapat tawaging manunulat. *bow

I'm not quiet because I choose to be, I'm just focusing on my work. (though i'm quiet talaga)

2. Opisina mo ang mundo? Kahit hindi ka manunulat, gugustuhin mo rin ng privacy sa workstation mo right? BS. Gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na naaasiwa na ko sa kakalakad niya sa paligid ko. Ilagay mo kaya sa table mo yung mga gamit mo para hindi ka na balik ng balik dito. I can't concentrate with you snooping (?) around.

I'm not claiming this area, I just want some privacy when I work please?

3. Snoopy. Eto na... I will justify na... Para sa lahat 'to. Bilang isang manunulat, importante sakin na ibaling sa ibang bagay ang aking atensiyon habang bumubuo ng aking mga ideya. I focus my thoughts on an idea and write about it. When it all gets effed up, I have to rest my mind by browsing other sites. Other mediums (like taking a break or smoke, which is i don't do anymore. wtf 1 month na ko yosi-free! sh*t it feels great!) could work, but because browsing websites is the most accessible here sa office, its the most used diversion method.

Kung nakikita mo 'kong nagba-browse ng ibang sites (websites, kung hindi mo alam ang sites), wag mo ko sitahin, kaya kitang tunawin ng tingin ko lang. Palibhasa, hindi gumagana utak mo.

I'm not slacking, I'm just resting my mind.

4. Eto lang yun eh, WRITERS SHOULD NEVER BE CONTAINED. We (artists in general) are free spirits. Let us be. Saka na kayo magreklamo kung hindi ako (kami) makapagproduce ng demands niyo nang dahil sa mga anik-anik (drawing, taking breaks, browsing websites, chatting) na ginagawa namin.

Ikaw Pentium II, tanong kita, was there ever a time na hindi ko naibigay or na-submit sayo articles ko? Was there ever a time na hindi ako umabot sa p*tanginang quota na yan?

I'm not at all like this, I'm just ranting. WTF

Ayokong mabigyan ng label, pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? Eto na. These are what my mind have concocted. Mayabang na kung mayabang. Ebil na kung ebil. Frog na kung frog!

Ikaw ba hindi? o_O

Don't worry, hindi kita papatulan. Hanggang dito lang 'to. Dahil ganyan lang kaya ng isip mo, pipilitin kitang intindihin dahil without humility, all my other virtues will be useless. Sana yun, naintindihan mo.

Whatever. Uy, meryenda time na! w00t

The Great Sister Act II

2009-03-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

I have loved her the way she has and may never wholly understand. I loved her, and I will love her still.

Yes, in despite...

Kuya Marvynn, Omar, and ate Etchel, thank you very much for all your help ha. *hugs*

Wahahays!

2009-03-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

I need my earphones, dammit. Kung bakit ba naman kasi, ni-uwi ko pa! Hays.

A Glimpse

2009-03-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am proud to say that I come from a family of smart individuals. My sisters were scholars and dean's listers. I've had my share of honors and scholarships back in college. Sad to say, I grew up knowing I wasn't one of them. They’re professionals, I’m only an artist (but proud to be one!). I always knew I was not smart enough. I was always thought to be a slow-learner. I was the one with the face without a brain. I was the odd ball.

Now I know why.

I'm not dumb mother (I love you!). I'm as smart as you are my dear sisters (I love you too!). Unfortunately (?), I have short attention span and obscure tremors because I'm sick. If you were in my shoes, you'd know what I mean. I just wish you really were.

Now I feel like the black ant that explores my keyboard. I want to run, but I can't because I've got work to do. I can’t use my sickness as an excuse for some job undone. Good thing there's a window in front of me. The view is not beautiful, yet quiet. Good thing I have my own earphones. Loud progressive music calms me somehow in times like these. Good effin diversion eh?

Ready to Fight

2009-03-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

I was in the hospital for two days. I was sick. No, I am still sick.

Yet, I am very happy. :)

There's a part in me which has been abnormally growing and it's causing me a lot of physical (and emotional) problems. I'm not worrying though. At least now I know what's wrong with me. It's serious, but not grave. It's curable, but if left untreated, could lead to heart failure and if that happens, I could honestly claim that my heart has been broken. haha

I'm not scared, not anymore.

Lord, thank you. Thank you very much! You saved me again. w00t

Isaw-Isaw at Sopdrinks Naman

2009-03-15T17:06:00.000-07:00

Hindi na burgers.

Amie: *kwento kwento habang naglalakad*

Me: Pawis na po ikaw oh. Pawis na pawis na noo mo. Likod mo basa na rin ba?

Amie: Okay lang po. Nakalagay na sa likod yung towel ko eh. La na ko pamunas.

Me: Meron po pamunas diyan sa bag ko. Towel din yan. Alam ko mas gusto mo pamunas towel. Kaso maliit lang siya.

Amie: Baby wala naman po eh.

Me: Meron po diyan.

Amie: *tingin tingin pa rin*

Me: *tinulungan siya hanapin*

Amie: Ayun! Ang liit naman nito baby. Mini towel!

Me:

Amie: Baby tago mo po 'to!

Me: Huh?

Amie: Para po sa magiging baby natin!

Me:

Corrine's Lullaby

2009-03-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

I've been in and out of it.

Stressors trace my steps until they catch me.

Who said it's gonna be easy?

me: i've been stuck here for the past two days
the evil in me is attacking me again
friend: @_@
ay parang un tinago nya si maggie?
me: and perhaps, no matter how hard i explain to people what is truly happening to me, no
one will ever understand
friend: ...i know na ung feeling mo
noon di kita magets
sorry po a..
me: :)
friend: ~_~
me: okey lang
i'm used to it
sanay na ko mangapa
friend: siguro mabagal talaga ako minsan mag digest ng info
me: pero i'm more at peace ngayon kasi meron na ko pinaghuhugutan ng lakas
friend: oo nga.. ako tired magpanggap
me: though it's verrry hard
to be sane
friend: whew
oo very hard
i know
me: :)

I was, and still am, screaming inside again. Thank you. Thank you for Corrine's lullabies.

While Looking at an Empty Chair

2009-03-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday and found myself singing this song in my head. The same thing happened this morning. I can't even remember where I last heard it. Definitely not on fm radio, I don't listen to that. Not on tv too, I don't have time to watch tv. And absolutely not on my mp3, I only have praise songs, Sitti, Mr. Big, Tool, A Perfect Circle, Lamb of God, Chevelle, Hale, Sino Sikat, Razorback, Deftones, Rizal Underground, Firehouse, Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, Juan Pablo Dream, Sting & The Police, and yes, even Toto (courtesy of my guitar man) on mine. Hmm... it's another case of weird LSS.

I'm gonna live my life
like every days' the last
without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enoug for you to hear me now

gonna look back in vain and see you standing there
when all that remains is just an empty chair
anad now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough, I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

Yes, like it's the last.

Californication

2009-03-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

1st day of summer + inevitable ming-ming + gratuitous ding-dong = big fat regret

Addition? No.

Subtraction? No.

Multiplication? No.

Division? No.

It's Californication baby!

I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry.

*sob*

The House On Top of a Cliff

2009-03-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

It was a sunny late afternoon. Waves were crashing against the walls of a cliff where a huge Victorian house lay on it.

Inside, I stood behind a screen door while looking at the sun as it slowly says goodbye for the day. Not far from me, a white man in his twenties rocked back and forth as he squats on the floor. He was repeatedly uttering someone’s name.

I suddenly found him looking at me. I knew what he was thinking.

Next door, two girls were playing on the backyard. Their dad, sitting on a lounge chair, was laughing as he conversed with an old couple. Their mom was inside the house, preparing some snacks.

I told the little girls that I wanted to see their mom. Without hesitation, she went with me to the house on top of the cliff where someone was waiting for her.

We were standing in the kitchen when he came from behind her. With a huge pan in his hands, he motioned to hit her on the head when I turned around. I knew what he was planning to do. I knew...

She stood. I pretended I wasn’t hearing her moan with pain. I pretended not to hear her calling my name in a whisper. I still had my back on her, but I can see her bloodied hands reaching out for me. When she was about to finally reach me, I got to the kitchen door and closed it behind me.

...and that was when I woke up. It’s seven in the morning. I have to go to work.

Valid

2009-03-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Silent Pandemonium, hello Screaming Inside!

I finally decided to change my site's name because of these reasons:

> Silent Pandemonium (band, July 2006)

> Silent Pandemonium (Friendster blog, September 2006)

> Silent Pandemonium (About Deafness, December 2007)

> Silent Pandemonium (forum post including pic, May 2008)

> Silent Pandemonium (Italy, September 2008)

I was somewhat disappointed and upset when I came across these sites; but for the lack of legal rights or whatsoever you call it, I cannot claim that I am the real owner of the words silent pandemonium as a title anyway. Besides, the new name is more appropriate to what I truly feel...

every single day.

Bago Matapos...

2009-02-27T19:42:00.000-08:00

...ang buwan ng mga puso, may pinahabol ang isang ming-ming:

Sagot naman nung isa,

Amie, para sa'yo ata 'to.

Smoking Chocolate Goodness

2009-02-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

To keep myself from doing opposite of item #6 on this previous post, I've been trying to deviate "the urge" into something more favourable: sweets.

Today’s (actually yesterday's kaso sira Multiply kahapon kaya late post pffft) dessert is courtesy of Tel. Yummy brownies!

Cold ones – just the way I like it! Yuuuum!*

Thanks Tel!

I have been smoking for the past nine years. I started with Marlboro reds then moved on to lights, and now, I’m on the green ones. I have tried so many times to stop it before, but all my efforts were wasted. Until recently, I hadn't realized how important it is for me to stop 100%. I have been experiencing chest pains and difficulty in breathing. I have been having night chills and fevers. Oh noes! With God’s grace, and the sweets (in moderation), I know I’ll get through this. I will and I should!

*not the actual ones

Felicidad

2009-02-17T20:46:00.000-08:00

I'm going home to an empty house tonight. I'm celebrating Mama's birthday without her - for the first time.

Happy birthday Ma! We miss you! I love you! *flying hugs en kisses to the heavens

Mimi, James, and the Big Guy

2009-02-16T16:32:00.000-08:00

I was quietly suffering from a panic attack yesterday when Mimi suddenly crossed my mind. I figured then, I’m missing her.

Immediately, I took my cellphone off my bag and sent her an sms. Not long after, she went online and we were soon chatting away as if we haven’t spoken to each other in years.

“Alam mo gamot sa PAD? Hugs!”, Mimi said.

Oh, so now I know why I love hugs so much.

“Pero dapat ng malaking tao. Kapag maliit na tao, dapat dalawa sila.”, Mimi added.

Oh, so now I know why God gave me pareng Diyames. I love that big guy, and the other Bigger Guy most importantly of course. I love them both.

Mimi, thank you very much ha? The panic has been on and off since yesterday, but I can endure more now. I just need some hugs.

(Perhaps Diana needs some too, though she's not in any panic or something. I hope she'll be feeling okay soon.)

My PAD is Almost Full

2009-02-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

I feel like doing this again. Eto na naman siya.

Right here. Right now.

Ayoko Na, Instead

2009-02-12T15:15:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little bit too late to start with. Resolutions are supposed to be made as, or before, the year starts. Kaso, it felt like overused na yung idea ng paggawa ng resolutions. Majority ng mga tao ngayon, gumagawa man ng listahan nila, hindi naman nila sinusunod.

Kaya instead of writing down a list of the things that I'm supposed to do right this year, I did the opposite. I wrote down things that I don't want to do or experience anymore. Honestly, it felt good to write these things down. You might want to write your own.

1. Ayoko na maging tambay. Ayoko na ng walang (regular/full-time) work or job. Ayoko na maranasan yung umaasa ako sa ibang tao, financially man o sa kung ano pang aspeto.

2. Ayoko na ng maraming assignments. I mean, i could juggle them all together pero, my life will not revolve around work anymore. Tama na. Ayoko nang masayang ang oras ko. May mga mas importanteng bagay pa dito sa mundo na mas dapat pinaguukulan ng quality time.

3. Ayoko na ng may kaaway sa bahay namin or kanila James, sa work, sa community, or kahit saan pa. I have forgiven and forgotten na. It's time to move on. Sabi nga ni Kimpay, "KEEP MOVING FORWARD".

4. Ayoko nang hindi kami magkaintindihan ni James sa mga bagay bagay na nangyayari sa amin. The good Lord has great plans for us and we can't wait for things to finally happen. God is in the center of our relationship and He is in control. Amen!

5. Ayoko na si Ding-dong. Ayoko na rin si Ming-ming. Kung hindi niyo sila kilala, 'wag niyo na kilalanin. Please? *wink*

6. Ayoko na magyosi at uminom. Period.

Marami pang iba pero these items pretty much sums it all up and I think this list could help me decide on matters mentioned here. We'll see sa part 2 na lang nun.

Ay oo nga palaka, happy hearts' day sa lahat!

Then There's Three Again

2009-02-11T16:10:00.000-08:00

How do you set up goals in your life? Last week, I was caught in between three questions:

Can I manage my own online business/company?

Should I just work from home?

Could I perhaps apply for a full-time position again?

Frustrated and confused, I called my ever-reliable big sister, ate Meg, into my room. According to her, setting our own priorities is as important as setting our goals. Considering my distaste for making sound decisions, I asked her what I should really do.

At first, I mentioned about the online business. Also last week and out of the blue, I received an SMS message from an employer to whom I worked for several years back. He is also a good friend of my nanay. He was willing to finance an online business, if I could manage it for him. Writing articles for students was what he had in mind. I could hire five or so writers and he would provide the office, equipment and logistics. He'd pay me to manage everything. I was ecstatic! What were the chances that I could start my (own) business with somebody else's money? I mean, I could never have imagined that someone would offer me as big as this!

Then there's the home-based assignments. There's four of 'em at the moment. The pay is good, but not regular. And ugh, I'm starting to get tired with having to face pressures from different people with the same thing in mind: deadline. I know it's one thing I should know by now, but meeting deadlines while not getting paid weeks after, is so stressful. Now that I come to think of it, I should have made deadlines for payments like they did.

Or like any other office-working employee, I could go to work everyday; that's 8 hours a day, 5 (or 6) days a week. Joe, not his real name, offered me what I used to make at i-Pay. His offer is pretty tempting. Office starts at 10 in the morning and there's no required dress code. I can come as I am. Pretty tempting indeed. Good pay + considerable proximity+ no required dress code + no strict attendance issues = perfect job? For me, maybe.

What do you think?

An Early Gift

2009-01-14T21:10:00.000-08:00

I got the best gift from Him this year: time.

I was terminated from Ubiquitous English Network of Avalon, Inc. (UENAI or Avalon English School in South Korea) as an editor this past Wednesday. I don’t know why, but it never gave me the slightest emotion of anger or sadness. I’m not claiming to be holier than any of you reading this, but ever since I had Him in my life, everything seemed to be clearer.

I will quote Art Fleming, famous host-star of the long time television show Jeopardy, on his reaction when his long-running quiz show was going to be dropped:

“I am not the least upset about it. In fact, I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me. It may sound strange, but I really believe every time one door closes, another, even better one, opens. My life has always been in the hands of God and knowing that gives me a positive mental attitude. I can accept whatever He has in store for me and whatever it is, it’ll be better than Jeopardy – I just know it. I don’t claim to be holier than you, but the way I see it, if God is for me, who can be against me? My inspiration and guidance come from my everyday conversations with God. I thank Him for each and everyday – regardless of what happens.”

More or less, I have the same words goes for me. In a positive way, I see my termination as a means for me to have more time for the things and people that really matters. I can now have more time to hug my pets, cook (I love to cook! It’s been a long time since I last cooked a hearty meal) for my family, maintain cleanliness of our house, talk with my siblings and parents, read more books, help my sweet baby James (I love you very much baby!) with his thesis, go to church more, participate in SFC-FFL more, and most importantly, finish three projects for various people and institutions (and there’s more to come, woohoo!).

I hate to say it, but in many ways, leaving i-Pay last June was the best career move I ever made. If not for which, I may not have gone through these things. I would not be a real writer now. It paved way for me to learn formal writing from UENAI (I have no formal training in writing because I’m an IT graduate), report an event for Where To Play (a PAGCOR magazine), and write a book for a friend. The book is still on the works and there’ll be more reporting assignments. I just can’t wait what’s next!

*apir*

Sa mga Ulap Kagabi

2008-12-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

Sa mga Ulap Kagabi

Kumurot ako sa mga ulap kagabi.
Isang basang pisngi ang lumantad sa aking paningin.
Pagdampi sa may hita,
buong lakas na yumakap na parang wala nang bukas.

Naupo ako sa mga ulap kagabi.
Tiningala ko ang iyong mga mata.
Tila may pangungusap na 'di mawari;
ipagpaumanhin mo na at bukas ito ay wala na.

Sinubukan kong hawakan ang mga ulap kagabi.
Parang bula, sinilip ko ang aking mga palad.
Wala na nga,
at hindi mo na maitatago ang ngiti sa iyong mga mata.

Humampas sa karagatan ang mga ulap kagabi.
Ang mga basang bato sa dalampasigan ay andoon pa rin.
Iniisip ko lang daw ang aking sarili;
sabi ng taong yumuko bago ko nilisan patungo sa kalayuan.

Not Again

2008-11-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS.

A Quick Detour

2008-11-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

I asked God to take away my pride.
God said, "NO.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up."

...
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, "NO.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations, it isn't granted, it is earned."

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, "NO.
I give you blessings, Happiness is up to you."

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, "NO.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, "NO.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful."

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, "NO.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things."

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me.
God said... "Ahhhh, finally you have the idea!"

an excerpt

Biggest No One

2008-11-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I don't know how to put it...

I got to attend a Press Conference for the first time.

How was it? Overwhelming. Super.

I was small but now I am big. Still, i am nothing. Thank you Lord. Thank you very much!

Habidey!

2008-11-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

As i walk the streets of Manila, I looked at the towering heights lining Adriatico Street.

For a moment, I thought I saw your face!

And that was what it took me to realize... your face brings me calm.

Now that's something i wanna see for the rest of my life.

Habidey baby damulag!

Wub joo!

It's Not Yet Sabado

2008-11-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

It felt like it was only yesterday when I told you he's coming. But today...

Mark: i'm coming to the philippines!

...

Mark: february

OMGEE. Lagot na.

PokerStars.net Asia Pacific Poker Tournament Manila

2008-11-12T13:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I, with our magazine photographer, attended a Press Conference for the next leg of the 2008 Asia Pacific Poker Tournament (APPT) at the Hyatt Casino Hotel along Pedro Gil cor. M.H.Del Pilar in Malate, Manila. The event was supposed to start at 11:30am but the sickness we call Filipino Time took the better of the event and made it start at exactly 12:47 in the afternoon. The event organizers and public relations told the media people to eat lunch first while waiting for the panelists. Buffet lunch was served to my delight.

By the time the entire panel was completed, the conference soon began. The panel was composed of Lee Nelson (the current Poker final table & top player), Jeffrey Haas (APPT Pres.), Rafael Francisco (PAGCOR Pres.), and Alan Escaño (Filipino Poker Tour Executive Producer). Questions soon flew towards the panelists as they were introduced by the events organizer.

The entire tournament will start tomorrow, November 13, Thursday at 1PM and will be concluded on Sunday, November 16. Hyatt Casino & Hotel will play host to the tournament as well.

The tournament schedule is as follows:

November 13, 2008 - Thursday
12PM TV production begins, will be aired on TV this Sunday, I don't know w/c channel yet
12:15-4PM Main APPT Event Day 1
4-8PM No Limit Holdem
8PM Buffet Dinner

November 14, 2008 - Friday
*same time Main APPT Event Day 1B

November 15, 2008 - Saturday
*same time Main APPT Event Day 2

November 16, 2008 - Sunday
1-2PM Main APPT Event Day 3, this will be the Final Table Sir
2PM APPT Sydney Satellite

Before the conference ended, I was able to get close to two of the panelists, Lee Nelson and Alan Escaño. I even met Neil Arce, a 25-year old guy who is currently the top Filipino Poker player at the moment.

To date, there are 300 registered players here in Manila. That includes foreigners and a few Filipinos. The tournament has been organized by PokerStars.net, APPT, PAGCOR and the Filipino Poker Tour (FPT). Collaboration between these organizations aims to bring Poker into mainstream media in Asia.

I'll keep you posted on updates until the tournament ends on the 16th.

I love you Sabado! Pati na rin Linggo!

2008-11-09T14:46:00.000-08:00

Naaalala niyo pa ba ang mga salitang yan mula sa patalastas ng Jollibee? Medyo matagal na rin yun. Hindi ko na maalala kung kelan pero oo, kanta yan sa patalastas ng Jollibee noong unang panahon.

Pero teka...

Isang tahimik na Linggo na naman. Naglalakad kami ng aking mahal na si James pauwi mula sa simbahan. Magkahawak kamay, nagpalitan kami ng mga kwento at kuro-kuro. Hindi ko na maalala kung anong pinag-uusapan namin nang mga oras na yun pero nabanggit ko bigla si Mark Dille.

"...bibisita daw siya dito sa Pinas..." ang sabi ko habang ako ay nakayuko. Pilit na itinatago ang gutom na nararamdaman. Hindi pa kami naghahapunan.

"...bakit daw? Para i-meet ka?" ang sagot naman ni James na may tono ng pagtataka at bahid ng selos. Medyo tumaas ata boses niya.

Nagbuntong-hininga ako saka pabulong na sumagot, "...mmm, medyo." Inantay ko ang isasagot niya.

Meron nang mga nauna kay James pero sa hindi inaasahang panahon at lugar, narinig ko ang mga salitang sa unang pagkakataon ko pa lang narinig. Para bang may nagbabadyang isang napakagandang kinabukasan para sa akin... Sa amin.

Nakita kong ngumiti si James at mahinahong sinabi, "Who knows, baka married na tayo by that time."

Blank For A Day

2008-11-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Stealing glances on a lunch table's queens of make-believe, I tried to shake off Sheryl's words as it reverbrated in my head, "hindi ko nararamdaman na belong ako...".

Then everything went blank. Maybe if i turn up my wma, the thoughts would all come back. Maybe if i ignore them gossiping about me, all my thoughts would come back.

I tried.

Nothing.

Girls in here are stressing me out. I can practically hear them gossiping about me even right after I turn my back at them. What's wrong with them? Or, maybe something's wrong with me. Maybe being too mum creates unecessary ideas in their heads.

I thought the sun in Adriatico would make me happy.

We'll just get back on Sheryl some other day.

Hiram

2008-11-05T20:02:00.000-08:00

Tired after an afternoon tweaking games at tito Boy's, and a brief visit to the mall to run an errand, James and I went to a late Sunday mass. But even before the celebration ended, we eagerly went home.

Walking along Macaria Avenue, I held on more tightly at James' hand as a white fluffy thing appeared before us. The inadeqautely lit street couldn't clearly make out what it was.

For a moment, i thought it was a cat until it hopped.

Ooooh.... rabbit!

And so, we were proud parents to Macaria Avenue Gajunera. We adoringly called it Macky.

meet baby macky!

one big happy family

But... Tiger ate our baby yesterday.

*heartbroken*

Then it hit me, Macky was a tragic reminder. A tragic reminder that life, and whatever we have in our lives right now, are all just lent to us by Him.

I Told You

2008-11-03T15:06:00.000-08:00

How do you do it? How do you lead people? How do you make them follow you? How do you make them believe that what you're doing is for their own good? Tell me.

A little less than three weeks old, I have been quietly writing in my little nook when a video conference prompted on my screen. It was my US-based boss. He wanted me to do something.

How do you evaluate people? How do you tell them to stop doing something that is bad for the company? How do you tell someone that he or she has created a mistake and that you must do something to stop it and eventually prevent it?

I had tried out my skills on leading people way back in college. But that was different. It felt like I was only telling little kids to do this and that. I guess this time it'll be different. My co-workers are no kids. Some are even way older than I am.

But how? They're not even talking to me! Oh no, I hope this ain't a case of co-workers breaking my heart into pieces again.

Lie Low With Satie

2008-10-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

Tumingala ako kagabi, nanalangin.

" Panginoon, pagod na po ako. Tulungan nyo po ako. Kunin nyo po and lahat ng kalungkutan at galit na nararamdaman ko. Napagod na po ako dahil sa dami ng taong nanakit sakin. Ipinapanalangin ko po na malaman nila n nasasaktan na ko sa ginagawa nila.''

Pumatak ang isang butil ng aking luha sa aking pisgni.

'' Panginoon, pagod na po ako. Pagod na po akong masaktan. Pagod na po akong masaktan sa piling nila. Tulungan nyo po akong malaman kung ano ang aking dapat gawin.''

Inabot ko ang Biblia. Ang sagot Niya,

"... Magtungo tayo sa isang ilang na pook upang malayo sa karamihan at makapagpahinga ka (kayo) ng kaunti. " Mark 6:31

Amen.

Three Singles Please!

2008-10-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

I found myself bored to death in my bed 3 weeks preceding today. I asked A Greater Being to intercede. This week alone, He gave me three answers:

Kuya Jeff, Ate Etch and Joyce.

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with me. You all have helped me fill my boxes of love again. I wish you all knew how happy I was in your company. Well, now you know!

And I Started

2008-09-15T02:19:00.000-07:00

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life ever. There were times when I wondered if I would make it today; but I did! And because I did, I'm going to celebrate! Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart. I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, and the birds.

Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice. Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and His Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life ever!

-an excerpt

Where is Maggie?

2008-09-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like laughing my ass out loud right now. My sister sleeps beside me like a baby but I know she won't mind. Baliw na kung baliw.

Ha ha.

I just realized that for the past three months, I almost came to losing myself. And now, I'm on a journey. A journey to look and find the real Maggie in me. Wooops! I can hear Kris Aquino now...

"I swear... Maggie..."

Ha ha.

I have a few people to thank though, before this post ends:

Ate Meg, for your book and sisterly support which was unexpected. I love you!

Mimi, for your late night text messages.

Krsna, Joyce, Ver, Romar, and Mavin; for your visits.

You are all blessings. All your contributions made me realize a lot of things. You were all used by God to bring light into my current plight. Thank you very much!

I was lost before, but at least now, I can still prevent it from happening again before it's too late.

Sa Magkaibang Dulo ng Mundo

2008-09-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

"Paano pipiliting pigilan ang isang pusong nananabik sa pangako ng isang bagong umaga?" -Magkabilang Mundo, Vic Dancel

Gumising akong mabigat and dibdib. Para bang may kirot na kahit kailanman ay hindi na maaalis. Kulang. Kulang na ang pagkatao ko. Wala na. Wala na si Mama Taba.

Ma, alam kong masaya ka na diyan. Kasama mo na si Tita Jing. Mami-miss ka namin. Hindi na kita mayayakap. Wala nang tatawag sakin ng Magdalena Ya Matos!

Masakit. Masakit isipin na kahit anong pilit ko, hindi ko na muling mayayakap, mahahalikan, makakasama, at makikita ang pinakamamahal kong lola.

Panginoon, ikaw na po ang bahala sa kanya. Bye Ma.

Harlequin I

2008-08-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

"Opo, andiyan na po!" Brian snapped at his dad as he locked his cell phone's keypad. Maria's text message kept on repeating itself in his head as he went back to the kitchen.

"No more kisses? No more hugs? Oh yes you've changed. I think sumthng is terribly wrong w/ me. Evry guy i've been w/ seems 2 get cold as months pass by. Where could i've gone wrong? :'("

Clanking glasses, echoing laughter, constant blaberring, running children, and barking mutts filled tito Jun's house as he celebrated his 55th with family and friends. Brian, as usual, was in the kitchen cleaning after the guests' clutter. He let out a sigh as he absent-mindedly put liquid hand soap on the dishes.

"Tsk!" Been wanting to scream, Brian threw the dishwashing sponge in his hands at the sink and stared at it with disgust. He backed away a bit to look at his mess when arms were thrown around his neck.

"Brian, for the love of God, rescue me from this klumpen!" It was Eoni, his cousin. She was trying to get away from TJ's relentless inquiries. She clutched Brian's wet hands and demanded to know:

"Brian, what are you going to do about Maria? I heard tito Jun doesn't like her. God in heaven! Such a waste! I don't like women, though I am one, but she's one of the good ones. Listen schatz! We all go sour and get wrinkles! Don't waste your good years. Don't waste hers either!"

Removing his hands from hers, Brian answered in monotone, "Eoni, nag-usap na kami. Hindi ko siya bibitawan! Pinaglaban ko siya at ipaglalaban ko pa rin!"

Breaking with a sigh, Brian added, "Kaso, she says she wants time and space. Tsk."

Eoni almost hit him but resolved to calmer words, "Brian you're a bigger klumpen! No woman wants time. Without a man, she doesn't know what to do with it. Look at Karl! He’s too fat, too old and one day he’ll drop dead on the way to the office – but I love him. When he goes, I’ll shrink up like a winter apple.”

A faint smile appeared on Brian’s face. Not able to hold her annoyance, Eoni hit Brian on the forehead with a spatula and exclaimed, “Now go and tell her! Don’t ask. Just say ‘Now or never!’ And if she argues, tell her how much you love her truly.”

Scratching his forehead where the spatula left a mark, Brian let out a sheepish grin and said, “Bukas na lang po, huhugas pa ko mga pinggan eh.”

Eoni finally rolled her eyes and left Brian with two spatula marks on his forehead.

…to be continued,

Sabbath Day For A Sinner

2008-08-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

In a trance,

it's so easy to lose one's self.

And in my darkest moment,

I am weak.

My strength has been drained by

your seething and suckling mouth.

Today, I find peace within the emptiness.

Today, I give in.

After all,

it's a Sabbath day for a sinner.

The Pieces Fit

2008-08-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

Many are lost for want of asking.

I have absolutely no regrets for whatsoever mistakes I did in the past. They all taught me how to make things right this time around.

If many were lost for want of asking, then words will never be enough. How things are at the moment were all concocted by Him with purpose - and that's to prepare my heart for something BIGGER.

Soon...

Dis-Ability

2008-08-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

A discreet beep awakened my hunger earlier...

"Baby, no pls don't think of yourself that badly..."

How can I not? Stressors have been piling up my ass for weeks now! Just last week, I was in this interview where I almost cried because I haven't had my lunch yet. WTF. I'm not into any sort of trouble but heck, starving myself for lack of money is something new!

So what are stressors?

Stressors are events or a single major event in a person's life which triggers uncontrollable behaviors for people with panic and anxiety disorders. The behaviors amongst anxiety disorder and panic attack sufferers include include racing heart, hyperventilation or breathing difficulties, as well as chest pain, nausea or dizziness, headaches, shaking and trembling, and many more to name a few.

Hays, I wish I can let you see more of what makes me this way. You see, it's not easy. Who ever said it's gonna be? It's one heck of a ride and it does scare me a lot but what can I do? I hate it! Sometimes, I'd catch myself walking in circles just to calm myself. *sigh*

What's worse, I am on the verge of hurting (emotionally) James and my family. I just effin hate it! It's so frustrating. I never ever wanted to hurt them in any way but it is just so effin hard to keep myself from doing so. I hate this effin ability.

So I guess you're right, I'm one crazy ass bitch.

Punctual As Death

2008-08-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

You see me come,

You see me go.

Soon...

Bata! Bata!

2008-08-04T02:08:00.000-07:00

Sa batang muling nagpatibok ng puso ko, maraming maraming salamat po sa mga ngiti mo! Wapi fourth! Habidey satin! Habiferst sa wakas! Madami pang dadating at kahit nasa ospital ka ngayon, masaya pa rin dahil mas pinili ng Panginoon na manatili ka sa mundong ito.

For James' Speedy Recovery

2008-07-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

Friends, brothers and sisters, please help me pray for my sweet baby James. He has undergone operation on his lungs last Tuesday (July 29) at 10:30 in the evening. He is now confined in Evangelista Hospital in Pacita with a tube on his lungs to help him breath.

If you want to visit, he is on the 4th floor in Room 406 in the abovementioned hospital.

Thank you!

When is someone worth saving?

2008-07-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

After being swallowed by my bed for five days, it finally had the distaste to spit me out and let me mingle with the air.

But before I even got sick, I tried to save him. That was what took me outside. But he kept running away.

I'm losing him because all the same mistakes have been repeated over and over. I'm sorry.

I'm done here now.

But I will still save him anyhow. No matter what.

The Great Sister Act

2008-07-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

A cool midnight breeze accompanied me for a smoke on a Tuesday. Yeah, sleep doesn't come easy these days. Luckily, she's back.

Welcome back home Xiao An!

I have loved her the way she has and may never wholly understand. I loved her, and I will love her still.

The Moon's Confidante

2008-07-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

"The moon tells me your secrets... Catch me before I hide away..." -Reflection, Tool

It pays to be quiet...

...and humble, my old friend.

Sgt. Noodles' Slavery

2008-07-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

It's 3 in the morning. I lay myself to bed wondering, what'll be next? What'll happen tomorrow? The day after tomorrow perhaps?

Ah, questions. Questions that lingers in my head though the answers clearly present themselves in plain view. Questions that I long to answer but by choice, I do not. Why? Because I am a prisoner, a prisoner of an invisible war.

I have my notebook, I have my pens and I have my bullets. But where is my weapon?

Ah, I have but none for I have surrendered 'em all. I am now but a soldier without a gun, imprisoned amidst all the fun.

Back In Your Arms

2008-07-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

Who would've thought I'll be back in these streets? The same streets which cradled me for almost seven years. But it's different this time.

A new hand to hold. A new path to walk through.

I know, I ain't so good with words but let us just put it this way: BRING IT ON baby!

Over Burgers And Shakers

2008-07-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Me: Hon, may tatanong po ako sa'yo.

Amie: Hmm?

Me: How do you keep the music playing?

Amie: huh?

Me: How do you keep the fire burning? How do you keep the music playing?

Amie: Ah, when I start, I NEVER stop.

Me:

Tunay Ngang Mapalad

2008-07-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

Kasi mahal kita.

Ganun kasimple. Pero, ganun din kahalaga ang dahilan kung bakit masaya ang buhay ko kahit puno ng ulo. Binigay ka sakin ni GOD para patunayan na hindi ako nababaliw sa gitna ng unos sa buhay ko. SIya ng dahilan kung bakit buhay pa ako pero, ikaw ang ginamit niya para magdala ng walang humpay na kasiyahan at katahimikan sa buhay ko. Nagsisisi ako at hindi kita nakilala dati pa. Napakabuti ko na siguro ngayon para mabigyan ng isang tulad mo. Tunay nga akong mapalad. Salamat Panginoon. Ngayon, masaya na ako...

kasi mahal kita.

Feigning

2008-06-27T23:07:00.000-07:00

*pant pant pant*

I see dimlylit streets scattered with children playing around like they don't care.

*pant pant pant*

I'm running myself to nowhere.

*pant pant pant*

Tears being carried away by my sudden movements.

*pant pant pant*

I'm tired but I have to keep on running.

*pant pant pant*

So, this is me. This is me whenever I feel like the world is closing in on me. I see myself running. No, I feel like running! Running myself off to nowhere while weeping away the sadness, frustrations and pain.

Hmmm, maybe tomorrow I'll get to where I'm going.

The Storm Keeps On Twisting

2008-06-22T16:15:00.000-07:00

A bird chirps high atop an electric line above me. Not far from where I stand, a starving cat purrs incessantly at its owner. It's Sunday again. The week had passed. Another week will greet me tomorrow.

It'll be Monday soon and I wonder. I wonder how will I tell them? How will I tell them that after more than a year, I have fallen out of love? How will I say goodbye to them? How will I tell them without uttering a single word?

Difficult, sorrowful, that it'll be. But whoever said it'll be easy? I guess no one huh? Perhaps, the rain pouring on the roof can tell me.

Ah yes, the storm keeps on twisting.

I Give Up

2008-06-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

I just had to.

Sorry I failed you.

I guess it was just too high for me.

Kaya,

ingat ikaw ha, baka mahulog ka!

Stick your balls where it should be – An Open Letter

2008-06-10T03:52:00.000-07:00

Without regret and with much thought, I dispensed this letter earlier.

“Ganyan ka na Maggie ‘di ka na nagpapahawak ngayon. Sus! Dati ‘di ka naman ganyan. Dati naman nagpapahawak ka.” –June 5, 2008 Thursday

Surprised? I’m not. A sly comment, whether a joke or not, such as this one has been a constant ingredient around here in i-Pay. Is it because we are machismo-dominated? Or do we simply lack RESPECT among ourselves?

Unfortunately, for the past year, I got used to these uncalled incidences. Well, that is until NOW.

As it turned out, I was highly offended. YES I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED. Still am. Not only that and annoyingly enough, your comments are usually coupled with “touches” here and there. Whoever told you I wanted to be touched? Whoever gave you the permission to lay a hand on me?

If you can’t have the decency to keep your hands to yourselves or your foot up your mouth, then in a really rather “nice” way, I will have to tell you to please stick your balls where it should be.

C’mon, I know i-Pay employees are not dumb. WE were hired for our intelligence. Or are we? Your demand for further explanation or for a tagalong translation from me is far from reach. You can figure this one out by yourselves. If your PERVERT mind still can’t muster a word in this letter, then poor you.

If this move will lead to my termination then I don’t give a flying fluck. I will NEVER apologize for each word that your eyes have feasted upon. Why should I choose the words that I will have to put here when YOU never chose the words that were coming out of your mouth?

Once again, I have proven MY PEN is mightier than your “sword”. Or should I say your PENis?

Maria Magdalena Austria Evora

Pen and Paper Slave

Heart-Shaped Chicken Nugget

2008-05-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

Here, just take it! Its all yours.

photo courtesy of Mitot

I spoke too soon.

2008-05-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

The evil inside me is at it again. But I need to be strong.

No, stronger!

Remembering Laine

2008-05-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

I got tagged again. By Elaine this time.

10 reasons to smile about in my life right now? Easy...

1. JAMES, of course. Always will.

2. career

3. new workstation

4. new cellphone

5. Ate Meg went home for a brief vacation.

6. The evil in me is slowly fading away. I just hope it'll be gone for good.

7. Ms. Debi is back!

8. Apple, my new found friend.

9. SFC's trip to matabungkay.

10. The thought that I'm still here... grrrreat!

So, who to tag, who to tag? Mimi, James, Joyce, Ver, Brent, Anjie, Cheppie, Jerrymiah, Elmo, and Marvynn. People, you know what to do - 10 reasons that make you smile and 10 persons to tag. Go!

Because I Love Her So

2008-05-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

For some reason I can't explain, a sudden pang of sadness and longing struck my heart. I had the urge to tell my nanay how I love her. I know she's been through a lot. More than I can ever handle on my own. Over sms,

I LOVE YOU Nay.

To all moms out there, Happy Mother's Day. Advanced.

You're Making Me Laugh

2008-04-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

I have been planning to let go of my dream job for sometime now. Fortunately, there are genuine people in our team who cares enough and so, they have decided to decline my attempt.

Unfortunately, there are some rumors about the real reason why I wanted to leave. Sheesh... As Napoleon Bonaparte puts it, "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

Ah, I can now hear my laughter echoing through our corridors.

Kumusta? Ano Balita?

2008-04-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to take half of the day off today when a ym message prompted on my screen...

Boss: 'musta training?

Me: *big grin* ok naman po

Boss: good

Me: thank you po sa opportunity sir *big grin*

Boss: ok lang yun

*sigh* At that moment, I thought life couldn't get any better. Am currently training my assistant-to-be and at the same time, I am being trained to be a developer as well. Who would've thought my frustrations would actually really materialize?

My cup is filled again. Hmm, I might as well share it. w00t

- "Kumusta? Ano Balita?" phrase courtesy of Sir Maner Puyawan

My Turn

2008-04-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

James: Hon nag-fill up ako ng resume sa jobstreet kanina. Meron dun tanong kung ano highest achievement ko. Nilagay ko na 'di pa ko graduate kaya nga internship inaaplayan ko eh.

Me: Ako 'di mo ko tatanungin kung ano greatest achievement ko?

James: *silly grin* Ano yun hon?

Me: When I won your heart.

Akala niyo si James lang marunong magpakilig ah...

High and Dry

2008-04-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

No, it’s not about Radiohead.

High, because I have been moved to a different location.

Dry, because I failed to make 'em see the REAL REASON.

I am just killing time my friend. Move one more bit and everything you practically knew about me will forever change.

Lord, please lend me your guiding hands to show them what loving you has done to me.

'Di Ko Rin Alam...

2008-04-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

...kung saan ako papunta kaya ba-bye na, aalis ka na. Este, ako palaka!

*wink*